The Only Line I Remember From a Performance Review: I Trust and Rely on You
I’ve had nearly two dozen performance reviews given to me by a manager — some were very formal while others were more like casual conversations. I remember the promotions I’ve gotten and sometimes the ratings. But there’s only one line I still remember from any of those reviews: “I trust and rely on him.” Even almost a decade later, I still remember my boss reading that line to me and then me reading it to myself later.
As managers, we want performance reviews and calibrations to be objective and based on tangible results. That’s a good thing. It aligns work with the success of the company and removes biases.
Because of the focus on tangible results and objectivity, statements like “I trust and rely on you” can seem flimsy or not appropriate. But the truth is, statements like that are often the most powerful. When my boss told me he trusts and relies on me, I felt extremely valued as a person and employee. It also increased my motivation to continue growing and performing at higher levels.
So it’s not that making a statement like “I trust you,” “I rely on you,” or “I value you” takes away from being results-focused or objective; it’s that it adds another dimension of what is objectively true. Assuming my boss did trust and rely on me (and his actions—like giving me more responsibility—backed that up), it’s more truthful for him to state that than to not.
Another trap we can fall into is assuming that actions are all that matter. Yes, a plethora of kind words paired with broken promises about a promotion that never ends up coming is an antipattern to avoid, but speaking the words when your actions back it up yields much greater results for both the manager and direct report.
Here are some questions to help you reflect and take action:
What’s something positive you think or feel about one of your direct reports or peers that you assume they know, but you haven’t yet said to them? What might it be like for them to hear that from you?
What’s something that a boss has said or did that has really stuck with you? How can you use that (or a variant of that) with one or more of your direct reports?
Think of a partner, family member, or friend who you’ve shown by actions that you love, value, or care about them. Would you be willing to take a step to also tell them you love, value, or care about them (even if it feels a little scary to do so)?
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